There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
We talked him into tasing himself.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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