I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
