Kiss
Puke
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
