Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize