I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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