She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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