My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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