Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Randomize
