My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
