Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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