Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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