thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
