he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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