High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
