dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
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She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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