He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
