I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
