Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
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