doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
