One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
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because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
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I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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