My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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