god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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