Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
