it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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