i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
