Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
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well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
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Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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