I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I think im going to throw up on grandma
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
