I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
