No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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