Duck Duck Cougar?
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
