The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
