Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
