Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I did not marry a roomba.
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