At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
