We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
