Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
