it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
