ugly people sure do ruin things
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
