Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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