i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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