Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Found the puke drawer
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
