just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
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