he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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