Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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