Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
