Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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