I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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