Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
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Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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