does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
