My first STD was from a foam party
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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