Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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