I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
you will always have a special place in my vag
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
