I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
