You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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