I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
