We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Randomize
