Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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