But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Thank you for not boning my boss.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
