why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Man, jail baloney is awful.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Randomize
