my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
