All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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