Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Randomize
