I wish I could punch you in the face.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
A+ Viking dick
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