I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
